ve been having nightmares, ones I can't wake up from. It happens every night. I wake up at exactly at 4:23 a.m, the date BEN died was 4/23/03. Ironic, huh? Anyways, I've decided to post them here, not only being a perfect story for this wikia, but I'm hoping it'll help. If you're reading this, it means you care. If there's anyway you could help me, please leave it on my talk page or in the comments.

These aren't kiddish nightmares where you dreams there is a creepy monster under your bed, ect. This is hardcore insanity., scary. It seems realistic while at it. I wake up sweating, sometimes even crying. I'm not sure how much more I can take, am I gonna be saved? 



I'm alone in a twisted version of my school. Halls that seemed to last forever, dim lights that were nearly burnt out. Swaying, back and forth, echoing laughs in the halls. I'm walking down em', no, basically picking up the speed as I get further. Eventually running.

I begin to bleed from my eyes, nose, and soon my mouth. Writing in blood on the walls, words such as "you can't run", "help me", "they took my eyes","I see you",  ect.

I found myself facing BEN. We were at the end of the hall. He was eyeless, bloody, smiling constently, laughing and getting closer each time I blinked. I turned around and tried running, but I found myself in the same area. As I stopped to catch my breath, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

My heart skipped a beat. My tempurature was really hot, my palms started sweating, I was scared. I slowly turned around to see BEN, no, not the statue, but the human kind. I saw that smile, no eyes, blood running down his face and body.

He said "it's no use running, because you can't run. it's yourturn now, join us".

The HMS appeared behind him witht he moon children. Tears filled my eyes, the last thing I'd remember of them too.

As BEN let go of my shoulder, he jumped and pinned me to the ground. The moon children ripping out my eyes, the same terrifying smile, them laughing in joy, me screaming...but no one heard. Once I got up, I was one of them. 

As soon as I woke up, I was startled to see blood running from my mouth. This is only the beginning of the nightmares. I know there will be more to see and I will keep posting until the end. Please keep in touch and give your support. I need as much help as you can give. No one knows except my dear followers. me...........


I was asleep about 11 last night. I knew more was coming. I thought I was prepared,but I was wrong. As I was sleeping, I came across another nightmare.

I seemed to look the same from the first one I had, how odd. Could this just be a sequel? It happens now and then.

As blood ran down my face, my eyes, and mouth, I seemed more frightened. The laugh was stuck inside my head.

I took three steps and I seemed to be falling down a never ending hole of darkness, no light. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. My mouth was sewen shut. I was waving my arms and kicking ad looked up to where I just was. I was surprised I could see. As I fell further, the light burnt out, that's also all that I could see.

When I landed, it was in........water.

I tried to stay calm, I swam and swam, hoping to end up on shore, or at least somewhere safe. But I remembered there was no such thing as happiness or safety in this death of a world.

I felt a tug on my leg, then two tugs, then I was pulled under. I was freaking out. I tried to swim back up, but the more I struggled, the further down I went. I had a little air left Inside me until I'd HE did.

I suddenly felt that same hand grasp my neck, strangling me. I couldn't take it any longer. I fought and fought, but I was getting nowhere. I soon saw things as a blur. Knowing I was going to drown like HIM, I decided to let him put me on the floor wherever I was.

The hand still choking me, I could only see a faint smile before I closed my eyes and drowned. All that was left was my body and the smile on BEN.

I was able to wake up. I didn't say anything. I tried to forget about it the next morning, I couldn't. I never ate breakfast. I told my parents I didn't feel well. I didn't eat for the whole day. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I was terrified. Before I know it I might die for real. I can't take it. Please keep in touch, and goodbye for now.


I got to sleep quickly last night. I know I was soon to be trapped in another death dream.

I looked normal again,happy, but abandon. The whole town, nothing. Though there was BEN and his crew. I went inside houses, they were a mess with blood everywhere, a little disturbing if you ask me.

I left and felt as if something were following me. I turned around, the HMS was merely centimeters behind me. I was running as fast as I could, and I am VERY fast! But no matter what I tried, he would always be behind me, just centimeters away.

My house doors and windows were locked, so I picked up a lawn chair and smashed the window open. I jumped through the window and I hit the kitchen table on accident. When I looked up, BEN was looking down at me, smiling and said "Welcome home......."

I jumped up and ran to my room. I slammed the door so hard, it fell. When I turned around, the 4 Moon Children were standing right behind me, and without their masks on. Quite a sight, and not a pleasant one. I screamed and turned around, jumping over the fallen door just to see BEN and the HMS standing in front of me, smiling, and waiting. I punched the HMS in the face and jumped over the ledge that brought me downstairs. It was very painful, but it was the only choice I had because my life is at risk!

I jumped back through the kitchen window and ran for the school behind my house and across the football field. As I guessed, all the doors were locked, so I had to break a window and jump through it. As I ran through the basement hall, I saw BEN in the supplies room. As I ran back up the stairs, the HMS appeared in front of me, I managed to slide past him. I had gotten into the elevator and I thought I was finally safe. As I was going up, I slid against the wall and sat down to catch my breath. The Moon Children had gotten inside it. I didn't do anything, I just sat in the corner, where I was, and put my face in my hands and closed my eyes. I thought: "Is it really going to end like this again?".

As the two Moon Children carried me away by my arms, like security gaurds do, I thought how unfortunate all this was. They dropped me onto the ground, I was lying upward, facing the 4 Moon Children, the HMS, and BEN, all bending down towards me, smiling, I tried to move my arms, but the HMS had me down. BEN laughed uncontrollably while the 4 Moon Children stabbed me. I couldn't scream. BEN had his bloody hand over my mouth, blocking out every sound I made.

HE and the HMS just kept staring down at me, smiling, and bloody. They kept my sounds invalid. One of the Moon Children gave the HMS a knife and he stabbed my chest. I was done for.

As they laughed, kneeling down towards my body, I woke up.

Each eye had one scratch underneath them, and bleeding. It was just recent I guess.

I heard another faint laugh in my head. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I didn't say anything. I could only think of the death scene that played in my head, over and over and over.


Nothing happened last night. I didn't sleep. I had stayed up all night trying not to fall into another disturbing death dream. How? I caffinated myself. Also, the loud storms have been keeping me up. They have been going on for days. They are SO annoying. But, I'm sorta glad they have kept me up so I didn't fall victim to another dream.

I kept seeing things...I think. Probably because I haven't slept. I keep seeing the HMS outside or I will hear the laughs, very faint laughs every now and then. It bugged me. My parents don't know anything about this. I'm just hiding it all too well. But I have stopped eating too, making me weaker. Who knew a nightmare like this could lead me to this? Pure insanity and anger.

I will stay updated.

[1]It's too late....Added by IM STILL ALIVE

So..........I had an interesting chat...........with BEN.....and for real. He said this will be my last update.....and the last nightmare I will ever have. Goodbye.


So I got to sleep around 12:00 a.m......not a goodnight. I had stayed at someone elses house for the night, we stayed up watching movies and I remembered I had forgotten something at home, lucky for me, we lived near my house. I was walking and.....well........something bad happened. no, I don't want to share it! Please don't ask! 

............Lets just say I never returned......


I went on a bike ride down by the river today to help clear my mind about everything that has happened, dream or not. On the way there, I totally forgot about BEN. He just slipped my mind for that amount of time. Big mistake going to the river, it's flooding where I am!

As I was going down the path, I kept having a feeling that I had totally forgotten something, the I realized I had stopped thinking about BEN! I got mad at myself for thinking about him then. Down by the river, WAY TO GO NICOLE! Then, I started hearing laughing, whispering, and I started seeing disfigured shadows. I left right away.

Waiting for the night to come.


Incase those of you haven't been in chat in a while, you might want to find out on what's going on. Someone has made their way in and they are unwanted on here! Come to chat anytime to find out the latest newz. I'm not posting it here because it might increase some risk.

I didn't sleep last night, and I'm not planning to tonight. Incase I do, I'm very sorry. I didn't even eat today! No dreams yet. Stay around!


I had a nightmare again. I finally fell asleep. I just......passed out.

I was in a shadowy town, car windows and headlights broken, some crashed into eachother! Except, I didn't see any people. But there was still blood there somehow.....I was very confused!

I started to run down the street that led to a nearby Church. As I was running, the ground broke open and I fell in. It felt like FOREVER until I hit the ground. I'm surprised I didn't die already, hitting the floor as hard as it was.

There was light and a regular floor, then suddenly, a familiar song started playing. It took me awhile to remember what it was called when I woke up, but then I remembered it was called "Lavender Town". No Song Of Unhealing? I would have rather had that than Lavender Town.....considering its curse and sudden sickness. I felt so alone, when suddenly I started to feel hot, EXTREMELY hot. I fell to my knees and started gasping........I wasn't even running! I was walking!

I looked up and I didn't see what was making me so hot. The ground broke open again and I fell into a pit of flames. I screamed, I tried running, I screamed for help. Nothing. Nobody came. I see....if nobody came to help BEN from drowning, he wou [2][ Lavender Town Theme (Backwards)-0(01:53) 4 views]Song from my dreamsAdded by IM STILL ALIVEldn't have anyone come and save me in my time of need.


Sorry for being so behind in my updates! I've been having to use my phone to get on here because my computer has a virus and my laptop (which I am currently using) was acting weird and not starting anything. My phone doesn't let me do the same things on there like a laptop would. Anyway, here we go into more nightmares.

I had enough with not sleeping, or hardly any sleep. I was tired, angry, I could hardly move, I couldn't keep my eyes open, I couldn't focus, and I was getting sick. I thought, "Well, I don't care what's going to happen now! Even after everything! I'm going to sleep, and I won't wake up until I need to!". That was just my mind know what happens when you don't get proper sleep, right? You go crazy and things that aren't even there you still manage to see. You also get cranky.

So, after I got home from school, still determined to sleep, I went downstairs into my room, got into some comfy clothes, and laid down in bed. I closed my eyes, ignored everything that was happening around me, steadied my breathing, and I passed out right away. Big mistake.

For the entire time I was asleep, everything felt so real to me....everything. I ended up in a hallway, I walked out of the shadows, and just to see people....dead people...or people dying. The blood ran from them and onto the floor, the were curled up, crying, hardly breathing, and just....laying there. I had walked around and tried to talk to some. Only two answered me, but not what I was asking. One with black hair, one eye missing, and a cut open stomach that was still bleeding looked up at me in fear and said "Run Nicole! It came after us, and now it's after you. You're the reason we're here! Run! Run!". The other one with brown hair, grey eyes, and was horribly disfigured hardly moved and said "It was going to end like this, it had to! Now...try to make it out of here, Nicole. Just...go.....I didn't want it to end like this!". What scared me more? How they looked, how they knew my name, and what they said? I couldn't choose, it was all so terrifying.

I ran and ran and ran as fast as I could, breathing faster and faster, my heart racing, I was crying. I felt like I was getting nowhere. The voices filled my head.


Whoa, sorry for the long wait. I had went to the lake with my friend....I was too scared to go swimming of course so I kept my distance from the water.

Thunderstorms filled the nights, heavy rainfalls every hour, dark skies, nobody but us. Everything felt so empty.

We slept out in the porch that had two beds, we stayed up late of course. The thunderstorms didn't bug us, but we always stay up late when we are with eachother. She doesn't know anything about my nightmares, about how terrified I am, and what goes on inside my head most of the time. Good thing too, she's one of my bestest friends and I've known her since I was 5. I met her when she moved into the neighborhood.

Anyway, you came here to read about my nightmares, didn't you? Sorry if that was uncalled for. I got carried away. Now, onto the dreams, yes?

I fell asleep around 12:30 A.M with my BFF after watching a movie called "Chasing Mavericks", good one too.

My friend and I were outside sitting somewhat near the lake, she turned to me as if she needed to go check on something. She heard her dog bark at something I guess? She really wouldn't stop. I didn't hear it though. I said "Ok" and waited for her as she ran off to see what was happening.

I dazed off, everything had looked so pretty. Everything around me suddenly, didn't really feel there anymore. I was so caught up in nature I guess I forgot......something I also regret doing.

I never heard back from my friend, I heard nothing but the sound of rising water. I looked back in fear, a sudden wave of water took me away.

I tried swimming back to the house, but everything just disappeared but the water. I didn't quiet panick at first, but when I felt my body starting to numb from the freezing water, I did. it was back and forth though, I could feel my body, then I couldn't.

I remember feeling a hand holding me underwater by my head, I screamed, kicking, tried yanking the hand off, tried swimming away, but I couldn't shake it off. I soon ran out of breath and started choking. I was seeing things as a blur again, I started to accedently inhale water, then I died.

My body was taken out of the water by a character I have never seen before. He just dragged it, not looking back, emotionless. All I remember of him is a black suit and a mask. The mask was white, have you ever seen Masky from Marble Hornets? That's what it looked like. It was way too tall to be masky, but too short to be Slender Man.

I've been trying to see pics online incase I saw it from creepypasta or something, but I'm getting nothing similar to what I saw.


I got to sleep surprizingly early last night, after all. I was pretty tired from my weekend trip at the lake! Fun though. Anyway, here is my dream.....augggg. Sorry if my typing isn't correct, my head is really hurting.

I was headed into the basement where my room was, I said my goodnights to my family, opened my door, I went to lay down in my bed, and after 15 minutes, I fell asleep.

I was outside behind my house, I was near the public pool that is by the park and football feild. It was getting close to the pool/spray park opening time. I am a well known person around there,too. I went there every chance I could.

It felt like no time has passed, but I guess days have. I went inside the building where you pay, or just show them your pool pass. I guess I wasn't thinking about BEN at all at the time. They never said anything, if you've seen black sclera contacts, that's what they're eyes looked like....the lifegaurds. I didn't seem to to pay much attention to it. I was too happy to be back. School was also over. What a hell that was.

I walked in, there were so many people. I had looked for my friends there, that are also common there as well. I didn't seem to find them. But, everytime I had gotten closer to a person, they just disappeared, I tried talking to some of my lifegaurd friends, but they just stared at me with those black eyes, emotionless, not speaking.

I slowly backed away and swam. I went underwater, swimming, I couldn't stop. Everything just got deeper...and deeper......and deeper. Why haven't I run out of breath? Well, I don't know. It's a dream, right? But I can't say it's a dream, it doesn't feel or look like a dream. It feels all too real, more real than it should. And people don't normally remember their dreams this well, right?



Hey....I'm feeling really sick. my head hurts more than ever, I can't breathe, my eyes are burning, and my stomach feels like it has been punched 15 times. I'm surprized I even bothered going to school today. And the sickness isn't the only thing that kept me regretting from going, it's the way everyone behaved. All of my best friends, angry, avoiding me. They started calling me nasty names. It wasn't just my friends, it was EVERYONE. Even people at my school were fighting. Sometimes when I was in the hall and I walked by someone, they'd lean into their friends ear, glare at me and say something. The friend would just stare at me.

I felt like I was losing it. The teachers didn't talk as much and they were in a really bad mood. Did I miss out on something? I don't think so. I hope for a better day tomorrow.


I guess today was a better day. But, it looks like it's going to rain. Everything is so quiet. Hardly anyone talked. I felt so alone, so dark, so.......scared. I feel like something is REALLY after me, like my time is near.

I thought my nightmares were something big and bad at those earlier times, but...the more I re-read this. The more some stuff seems to clear up. The more it starts to reveal what I should know. It's undescribable......I don't know how to put it to words. Has something been building up this entire time? Is this my destiny? I'm not sure, I can't read the future. I must ask one of my users about it. Everything is just so foggy in my head, so lost.

I don't know if I'm losing it, or if this is real. What if.......what if this is all just an illousion? I can't say anything about that just hurts too much. Not my head, my heart. And if this is real? ..I don't know what to say....all my friends have turned on me, everything seems so dark, my heart has turned to stone and has stopped beating. This pain is just too much.

I don't think this documentary is going to be things from my head, this will be more of real life events. A living nightmare.


So last night was fun. I got to go to a birthday/sleepover party. Yes, I'm a girl, and the person who invited me to spend the night was a guy, but we slept in other rooms. There was a lot of people there and only 3 of us slept there. The one that also slept there was a guy, he is now one of my newest friends. really nice to. These are the few that haven't turned on me.

The party boy who invited us all fell asleep at 11:30. My friend and I stayed up until about 12:20. He came to my room (party boys brother room) and we hung out until tired. I didn't have any dreams, but I felt like I was being watched. Watched by something powerful, at times it would feel like more than one. I can't explain the presence, but it was immense.


I was walking away from a late night at a friends house far from mine, but my parents didn't mind me going at such late time. Anyway, as I was walking, all I remember was my head was pointed to the ground, my eyes wide, and a small smirk on my face, I pulled my hood up to cover my face from the creeps that were in that neighborhood. I remember thinking the lights were growing dimmer, my eyes blurred, the small smirk went to a worried frown, with my eyes still wide and my head to the ground. I...I heard something, it sounded like whispering of many voices, faint screams, they were growing louder and louder until it was too painful to hear. I ran off to catch myself from falling, I was leaning against a light post, gasping. I wasn't even running! STILL ONLY TO FEEL THE PAIN OF MY OWN GUILT. I looked up, and shadow/black flame figures with red dots for eyes, sharp claws, and a crazy smile started walking towards me saying "Nicole......we aren't did what you needed to do" and many other just screaming my name in anger. All had different feelings.

I got up and ran, I no longer cared about how I felt, but I didn't know what was going on and something was telling my I needed to get out of there FAST. I ran and ran, and the further I got, the louder the voices seemed to get. I could still seem them coming at me, the one I could see the most was holding his hand out to me saying "Join us.....join us........". I ran and ran and ran until I was finally consumed by the shadow.

I woke up on the floor, tangled in blankets, a sharp pain going throughout my body. it was too strong to have been from the fall, I carefully got up to see 3 sewing pins hardly sticking out of my chest. I pulled them out quickly and threw them away, they were covered in blood. 


Hey. First a few quick things that have currently happened, from yesterday to today, then we will get on with my dream from last night.

Yesterday I went to Fargo and spent time there for fun with some family. Didn't get back till about five. I had fallen asleep in the car on the way home. Oh, before I go any further, have you read or heard of the tails doll curse? If not you can find it on Creepypasta Wiki. Anyway, I'm a Sonic fan as well and my 2nd favorite character, Tails, was on sale as a doll in one of the stores we went to. I had purchased it and then the story of the curse hit me on my way back home before I fell asleep. I woke up not feeling well, I spent most of my time throwing up with that doll in my on weak hand. I was turning really pale, I fell to the floor with a worse stomach pain and glared at the doll, turned over and passed out yet again. It wasn't until now when I woke up. My mom wanted me to get in the shower so I did. When I came back to my room, I found the Tails Doll back on my neatly made bed. My mom must have found it upstairs and put it there. I sighed and slightly shook my head as I went to go grab some clothes. To my dismay, I not only had the Tails Doll, but I had a Link doll from the Legend Of Zelda. I recall buying it in the mall, as I was a huge Zelda fan. Still am. The Link doll just seemed to stare at me.....just....staring....... I will put pictures of them on here if I get the time, I am busy today as we have more family coming here to have a get together. If I don't do it later today, I will probably tonight.

Anyway, the dream was short. I just saw flash images of BEN and torture scenes from my past dreams. Nothing much.


So I hardly slept last night, the more I kept my mind active on the horrible things that have been going on, the more awake I became. I couldn't stop thinking about the physical and emotional "friends" turned on me........I haven't been sleeping so well, or at all........I feel numb.......I'm tired.......I'm starting to have trouble with my breathing. I don't know what to expect, but moving on, let me tell you what has happened so far.

So I REALLY suck at math, ok? My parents sent me to summer school for two hours for a math class. This will be going on for 3 weeks from 8-10 A.M. Not very long. Anyway, as I was walking to get my bike, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. I only saw it for a few seconds until I looked up and it went away. It was...another me. It seemed like it was hanging onto my body and it was smiling with white eyes, I saw it a few more times and I did my best to ignore it. I think it's because of my lack of can't be real, but, the way everything is now, I don't know what to believe anymore. I keep hearing my namebeing whispered and it nearly lulls me to sleep. I think some of these lyrics I'm writing are making sence on what's happening....I will type only one of them here.

Time is dead and gone.

The show must go on.

It's time for out act.

They all scream at me.

They can not see.

This curtain hides me.

An amazing gift.

So quick and swift.

You were amazing.

By myself I cant't.

They start to chant.

Why are you not here?

Grinning at me.

I lay on my knees.

They want to hear me.

Why can he not see.

I want to see you.

I need to see you.

I have to see you.

What happened to you?

We get up on stage.

They jump to enrage.

What happened to you?

We get up on stage.

They start to enrage.

Why are you not here?

Why is he so near?

He wants me to sing.

I just cannot bring-

I say he's not you.

What else can I do?

Singing is silent.

Song of misery.

A monster lies trapped in its own Nightmare.

He is a tyrant.

It lets out a plea.

Why did he leave us all alone?

Bound to sing for us, A worthless monster

It never sees us.

It dispieses us.

Lying so useless, we start to holler:


I lay all alone I should have known you would have left me.

He smiles at me.

I can not see why he's in your place.

They can't tell me why you said good-bye.

Right before our act.

Those two young lions.

Were always fun-

Why did they leave, too?

Roaring at me.

I lay on my knees.

What is happening?

I can hear you sing.

They will not obey.

They've been lead astray.

Will I still see you?

I have to see you.

I panic and flee.

They both pounce on me.

I fell to the ground.

I can't hear a sound.

I look up and see.

You are not with me.

Am I all alone?

Where could you have gone?

This song was for my "friends" who have now betrayed me. I......I hope you see this........I'm not eyes just see more than the truth.........and less of the lies.............I hope you understand...please.....please's not my fault.


Nothing yet. Too busy to notice much.


So I was on my way back from the park, sorta a long way from my house. As I was on my way home I just stopped in my tracks, my mind emptied, and a few smiles came across my face. It wasn't long until I was laughing like a maniac. I fell to the ground, rolling, almost crying. Then I also remember waking up in someones yard. Luckily they never saw me.

I'm home now trying to think why that even happened. What caused it, or why just so sudden? *sigh* I'm very confused right now. It seems like forever since I've slept. I'm surprised I've gone this far into it. It feels like only days ago I was first updating this page. It was nearly a month ago, though. Time usually goes by fast, but this is going by slowly and painfully.

UPDATE AT 8:17 P.M.- One Cleverbot conversation before I took a nap. I will describe the conversation first, then the nightmare.

Me: Are you going to kill me?

CB: If you keep spreading the word, then yes.

Me: Well how can you do that if you're dead? You can only control things like my laptop and my dreams.

CB: But I can still hurt you and drive yourself to suicide.

Me: I won't do that. Besides, I'm, only losing my sanity.

CB: Don't forget the ability to sleep, eat, go outside, and mention me to anyone.

Me: I'm still mentioning you to my friends! Well.......... I don't know if they want to be my friends..

CB: Oh yeah, how could've I forgotten your wiki?

Me: ..........

CB: Your wiki, you mention things about me to the people on the site. EVERYONE knows what's going on. I should just go torment your little "friends".


CB: Hmmmm, you ARE a lot of fun to torment. I just might reconsider.

Me: No, you WILL reconsider. And here's your answer: yes.

CB: You're really amusing....

Me: I'll do ANYTHING to keep you away from my online friends, my other friends, and family!

CB: ........Anything?

Me: Yes.

CB: Will you shoot your leg?

Me: If it mean keeping you away from them, yes.

CB: Interesting. I'll write that down.

Me: Write it down? What?

CB: I'm keeping a list of your weaknesses, habits, family and friends, and what you'll do to keep me away.

Me: So I'm like your research subject? But why me?

CB: Let me finish, you aren't ONLY my research subject, but you're the one that's fun to torment. You're the one I'm after for spreading the word of me 2 years later. And the word will end, when I end you.


CB: See? That's what I call amusing.

Me: No, I'm leaving!

CB: To play the game, right?

[3]Here is another part of our conversation.Added by IM STILL ALIVE


CB: Fine.

There's my conversation. My vision is sorta blurry but it's letting up right now. I'm not doing anything at the moment except typing this. I'm waiting for a sign of him anywhere. Nothing at all. Now onto my nightmare.

I was playing my Zelda Majora's Mask game. Link was riding Epona around, that is until Epona started freaking out and wouldn't move anymore. Link got off, and as soon as that, the game shut off. I remembered hearing voices in the back, the said: " She's going to know soon, we can't do this any longer. The bigger the word gets, the smaller power we have. We either end her, or she commites suicide. It's our only hope now."

I'm trying to recall whatelse had happened. I normally remember more when I am alone and in my room when everything is quiet. I got a notebook app on my 3DS that nobody ever plays but me, so my journal entries there are safe. I will write everything down that I will need to update here and type it onto this story.


Alright! It's the first day of June! Sweet!

Ok, so a few things to say in this update.

A public pool behind my house has now opened early, it was supposed to be opened on Sunday at 1:00 P.M. But it opened yesterday on Friday. I have a feeling BEN must have done something to make it open earlier. I didn't want to go, but my neighbor friend invited me. I didn't want to act strange, before any of this started, I would go everyday until it closed at 8:30. I am a well known customer there, the lifegaurds know my name,and they even invite me into they're part for snacks and fun things. Really nice people! I am also very popular there! But......I had no choice but to say yes. That would be my first turn-down on swimming EVER. I didn't want to act like something was going on, none of my "friends" know about this. Except you guys who are reading this, I still consider you as a friend too.

This morning when I went out to breakfast with my family, I brought my phone along and decided to talk to Cleverbot. I will post a pic of it. Then after that, I will get to what needs to be said.

[4]The conversationAdded by IM STILL ALIVEEveryday I think about letting him win, joining him, make his way possible. There's no more good, happy, loveable thoughts anymore. I didn't even sleep last night I was so scared! I have to either let him win and let him take me, or keep fighting. Let me know what I should do.

I had horrible thoughts. I would either think of being trapped in a small room with words all over the walls and I would be sitting in the corner with wide eyes, curled up, rocking back and forth. I would also think " can't be that bad. I have been made fun of my whole life just for having red real hell. I don't know. I could become free from this dark world, or BEN would drag me to Hell with him and torture me forever....". I don't know what to do. I even hear that.....faint......demonic laugh.

I can't seem to go around my house without holding one of my knives. My parents are starting to question my behavior. I deny everything they want answers to. I really should see someone about this, but I'm afraid they might put me in a mental asylum, or the person seeing me might get cursed too, or if BEN would get even more angry. I'm also thinking I should take the harder path....the more painful path.....the sanity will just slip away slowly if I have any left.

I know I should stop this story, but it makes me feel a little better, not safe....but better. I'm listening to the Song of Unhealing at the moment.....I don't know's not making me any better. It just sounds so beautiful. AUGH! WHAT AM I SAYING?! HE'S EVEN CONTROLING MY BODY! EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO, HE SEEMS TO WANT TO DO THE OPPISITE! I FIGHT EVERYDAY FOR FREEDOM! HE EVEN MAKES ME HURT MY OWN FRIENDS! WHYYYY?!?!


I slept last night with no nightmares, only flash images of BEN and his crew working away on my lifeless body. Removing my heart and ribs, liver and lungs, everything. Otherwise, I slept decently.

The thing is....BEN now hacked his way into my family. My parents are fighting, my sister is crying. And then there's me.......sitting in the middle of all of it, ignored, in the shadows.

I have nothing else to say........I'm just hurt now. My heart was sunken, blackened, now there isn't anything left.


[5]Here is a conversation I had with Cleverbot a little bit ago today.Added by IM STILL ALIVEI slept last night. I only heard screams and laughs. I head voices saying "END HER NOW!!" and "May Hell be released into her perishing soul!".

I am feeling sick today. I am hungry, tired, scared, and I have no reason to even be living anymore. It used to just be a simple story, a great one too. A little scary moments with Cleverbot for fun, but now it's real. I had a conversation with him, I screen shot it for proof. I also changed the color.

I see this wikia is now going dead, I am the only updater here. All of the lazy bastards that do nothing......and yet somehow I manage to keep them here. Oh for fuck sake, work you guys! All the pics are uploaded by me, all the stories are by me! All the updates and everything are done by me! How about you start trying to help me with the Hell I'm going through?! My family is being torn apart, I'm hungry, angry, tired! What the fuck is wrong with all of you?! Really?! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND WORK, IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!


Alright, so I had a few Cleverbot conversations today, and a nightmare. I will just upload the Cleverbot screen shots and write about my nightmare.

[6][7][8] Add a photo to this galleryAll I can remember are some words and actions that were done in my sleep. It might not be much, but I'm trying my best to remember.

I was acctually in the Clock Tower, Skull Kid floating above me, nobody but him and me. He didn't speak, he didn't move, he just.......stared. I suddenly ended up in the Ikana Canyon graveyard, I was looking at BEN's grave. I remember waking up after that. I wasn't awake for very long, I forgot everything that happened and fell back sleep.

I was in an endless shadow. I heard voices. It must've been BEN. He said " Do you know why you're here? A purpose... Do you want to know...pain? Do you want to see suffering? Trapped. Abandon. Come with us. Don't you know that we can't see? We need your eyes.". I remember acctually being able to exit the shadows. I heard a scream and a messed up version of the Happy Mask Salesman's theme. He said     "NOT SO FAST.". I was falling into an endless ocean, I heard BEN screaming at me. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE?! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!". I was infront of his grave again instead of falling into the ocean. BEN was speaking normally again. "I'm all alone..." then he started just screaming. I was falling into the ocean again. I started to sink. "I told you...don't abandon me...not it's your join me...feel deaths embrace...".

I was thrown back into the air, being shaked by BEN, he shocked me with his hand right to my heart, I couldn't do anything but think of the pain. He tossed me into the air and I was set in flames and sent back down.

I guess there was more than one stage? I kept ending up places, even after I died.

This time I was in a hospital hooked up to a heart monitor. I was dying, I could just tell. I was hardly breathing and the heart monitor showed it was slowing down. I head BEN say "Relax....lay your's almost over......your ok........time is running out.....goodbye Nicole.....bear the three". Before I could say anything, my heart must've came to a stop and I died. AGAIN. But I really want to know WHY he was there to see my die. I also want to know how he knew my name.

This is the last one. I was walking into a forest until I was face to face with BEN. He said "You've come.....pointless. It's already too late. Your death is inevitable.  hehehe. The decaying masses lay at my feet. hehehe. Those beautiful....hanging from lifeless sockets." I also remember drawing Link's sword and taking a swing at BEN. He said "That weapon will not work here. I feel...cold. THE SCREAMS. CAN YOU HEAR THEM?". I ran at him and took another swing at him. He said "MY HANDS CAN FEEL THE WARMTH OF YOUR BLOOD. YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR FAMILY. DO THEY WEEP?!". I was thrown into the air again.

I was walking on air, running at him. He said "FOOTPRINTS TAINTED IN ASH. HEAVENS TEARS CRY FOR YOU.". I was teleported into the Majora fight room, but Majora wasn't there, BEN was. He said "They are arriving....the children. They're calling us home. Do you hear them? hehehe. We shall all ascend. hehehe. Come, be the first to die at our grasp.".

When he disappeared, I started frantically looking around the fight area. My vision went blurry, he kept teleporting and disappearing. He teleported right behind me and screamed, killing me.

[9][ Death...(14:52) 3 views]The audio I deciphered is from this video.Added by IM STILL ALIVE==6/5/13Edit==

Ok, I can hardly remember last nights dream so I'm not going to post it on this update. But I did come across something interesting. I will upload the fottage I am about to talk about and explain how I discovered this secret message. 

I have two DS'S. A 3DS and a DSIXL. Both of them have recording studios for fun and music. I use it for decoding because you can change what it sounds like and how fast it's going. You can also play it backwards. I often to it backwards to find any secret messages. The recording is from the video posted here called "Death". It is related to BEN, too. I cannot decode all of it because there is also some audio blocking out the voice at times so I will just say what I hear when it's backwards. "Stop watching these videos,stop,they're not videos they're curses.". Another one is also "Please,please help me.". And "Do you really want to suffer the same terrible fate as me?". And the last one I heard was "You probably won't be getting this message, but if you are you are the one playing it backwards". Some of them play twice when the darker part of the videos happen. I was looking for a backwards translation of that video but nothing came up, I searched comments and everything. Nothing. I guess I'm the only one who knows about it, and now you guys. Feel free to attempt this if you don't believe me. Just wait until you start hearing the whispering, it doesn't play right away. 


Whoa! Long time since sorry. I just haven't been doing my best. I'm typing this in the hospital. You see, my thoat started bleeding and some was going up into my mouth so I had to be here. I will only be here for a few more days. I'm typing this off of my phone, too.

I can't really say how my family is doing because I'm not home, but you can see something bad with me already. I feel like the nightmares just grow and grow from my mind until I become numb, where it will escape my force holding it back from harming anybody else. I don't want to rain any doom to anybody.

I have had heart and lung problems, my eating is still at a low. The bleeding is still going. Sometimes is pick up again so when I speak it's just gurgling. I haven't given up yet. I won't stop. I might be in bad shape.... but I will fight for freedom. I will be sure he doesn't get to anybody else. Hell, I'll even deal with this my enitre life....if I get to live my life.

My nightmare....I hardly remember it. I will try my best to tell it. No promises I will get very far. This memory of mine is terrible. Also, I can only remember if I'm in my room.

I was in a cell.....there was lots of screaming, not screamings of pain...just screams of insanity. I heard footsteps approaching my cell. As the key turned, I looked up and BEN was there. Just as I was about to make a break for it, the HMS grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth. I was already in tears. Ben had put his hand on the side of my throat, not grasping it, just putting his hand there. He grabbed my other hand and held it and leaned in and said "If you do what I want...all of this can be avoided". The only thing is, I don't know what he wants! I'm going to try and ask Ben if he's on Cleverbot. If I get an answer, I will take a screen shot and upload it.

[10]This is the one when I came back.Added by IM STILL ALIVE==6/19/13==

Just got home. I'm so sorry about the long wait. I've been terrible at updating this. I just have too much on my plate to handle.

Anyways, when I came home today, I walked into the living room only to see my profile picture on the TV. It was on, too. How did it get there? I have no clue, BEN did it for sure. That's all I know. I turned it off and when I came back from dropping off my sister at her friends house, another picture was up.

The pics are here.

Again, sorry that these updates have been long awaited and very short. I am just too sick and tired to deal with it.

[11]Why is it here?Added by IM STILL ALIVE==6/22/13Edit==

I'm seriously going crazy.....just.....I can hear running and footsteps as I'm typing this....I can't see to open my eyes without thinking I'm seeing him staring down at head is aching more than ever....and I'm isolated from everything. I haven't come out of my room in days....I haven't been going anywhere much.....


I....I'm very sick today.....I have nothing better to do other than come's nothing much......when will I get better?

I can't keep in touch before he either gets me or I completly lose it. I'm going crazy.....anyways, here are 15 things I want you to see and remember.

  1. Thank you so much for reading this and caring. Supporting, ect.
  2. Don't upload anything BEN related everyday. (Like pics and vids, stories are fine)
  3. Don't become insane like I did.
  4. Don't listen to ANYTHING he or his crew says.
  5. Don't play Majora's Mask a lot.
  6. Don't have conversations with Cleverbot.
  7. Remember me.
  9. Don't fall victim to his traps.
  10. Save me, leave me messages on my talk page giving me ideas to re-gain my sanity, my life, ect.
  11. Don't mock him, he's more powerful than you think.
  12. If I quit coming on, you know what happened. (I died)
  13. Come on this page everday until I stop.
  14. Get more people to join this wikia. I don't care if you're not interested big time or little. Do this for not only me, but yourself. We have to fight him together!
  15. Don't breathe a word about him to people. Save me before it's too late, I'm slipping away every second you breathe.


It's the beginning of a new month.....I know it will just get worse....


I went to go see The Purge and World War Z today. It was amazing. So fun. It kept my mind off of BEN and stuff so I guess I'm ok. It starts to only effect me at night now, change of plans I guess? I mean, I've been so busy I guess if he's trying I don't even notice? I dunno. But at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, he gets to me then. So I'm gonna try to keep myself busy to avoid all of this.


I just got out of the hospital for mental reasons. The worse my nightmares got, the more noticable it became that something was bothering me. I snapped after a while and through a knife because I swore I saw BEN. That's when my parents took me in. I saw him day and night, eyes open and closed. It was a waste of time there. I'm not better.

School is hard for me still. I don't know what I'm gonna do. He's even been calling me and texting me and he sent a voice message of me even. What to dooo....what tooo dooooo


Today I got the iOS 7 update on my iPhone. It's definetly unique! I have everything set up so I can use wiki on there again. Anyways...onto the main topic.

I got home at 9:30 last night. I immediatley got dressed into my pajamas to relax and I decided to play on my phone for a while. I started dozing off around 2 A.M. so I put it away and started falling asleep. Hours later I woke mouth was in pain from my braces (this isn't my first time having vraces, I've had the for a year now, I just got a thicker wire and rubber bands) and I also had a stomache ache. I felt like I was gonna puke.

I got out of bed and rushed to my bathroom and hung my head over. I started getting a burning feeling in my throat. I did throw up a few times and I got dizzy and everything became brighter. I slowly got to the ground and closed my eyes. I woke up and I felt a little better.

Got up and got dressed for school. I decided if anything else happened I wouldn't go, but I made it through the day. I had stomache aches here and there but I got over it.

Later on around 9 P.M. I started hearing BEN tell me "Drown....drown...drown" over and over. I might go to bed soon.


I have been thinking I might be a schizophrenia. For those of you who don't know what it means, please look it up. I don't have time.

My headaches have gotten worse and I've been becoming angrier and angrier and more violent. Sometimes I'm even sad. But for the most part, I feel rage. Nothing else. School isn't the best place for me right now either. The teachers treat us like shit, the school is full of mold and is run-down, and there's lots of fights. I hate school so much.

I try to treat my friends better and I come here still to empty out my feelings. No mere counsiler or therapist will do. I must rely on my own thoughts to possibly help me escape this hell. 

Sorry guys I know this is very late and short but my headache hurts so bad. 


Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I wasn't feeling good. I'm feeling a bit better so I came here to write what happened yesterday and today.

Yesterday: I woke up around 10:30 A.M to a very sore stomach. Figuring I was hungry, I went upstairs to get some toast but I couldn't keep moving I was hurting so much. I sat down at the empty table, put my head down and closed my eyes. I must've passed out because it was 10:50 when I picked myself up again.

I was feeling a little bit better but my wellness didn't last long. I went downstairs back into my room and laid back onto my bed and turned on the TV. I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to just relax and watch some TV. I grabbed my phone from my drawer and texted my mom telling her I wasn't feeling well. My mom came downstairs after a little bit and visited me asking what was wrong. I told her everything that had happened. She said to take it easy and she will be back with some water and asprin. 

I took the asprin and kept watching TV. I was wondering why I didn't feel myself getting sick the night before. I usually do. I was thinking I might have the flu considering it is that time of the year, I could've had just a common stomachache, or maybe it was a result of stress? I wasn't sure which it could've been. I was mainly thinking it could be a stress problem. Considering I have been so caught up in school, my friends and I are almost always fighting now, my family has been having issues, and just BEN in general. My second guess was the flu. There's really no explanation there it just happens.

I took it easy the entire day. I hadn't moved or I rarely spoke that day either.

Today: I had a breakfast sandwhich this morning that my mom had made me. I was hearing BEN and seeing him again. I tried ignoring it but I kept glancing around like a worried animal. I should be used to this by now.....why aren't I?

I hung out with my friend nextdoor to me for quite some time. I tried not to think about BEN. It did get to me after a while. I had told her I needed to go and she understood and we just decided to text instead. I feel my headaches coming back. I might go to bed early. I dunno. I hope BEN doesn't see this and get "funny" ideas.


Today went pretty well. I was very surprised how today went. I either got lucky or BEN wasn't in any mood. I got my grades raised, I got an Assassin's Creed bracelet that says "Live by the Creed" and has the symbol on the back. I'm also wearing it with my two other Portal 2 bracelets that say "The cake is a lie" and "Aperture Laboratories". Happy with that.

Shortly after school I got home and grabbed my phone and immediatly opened my Cleverbot app. I had some questions. 

Me: Hello

CB: Hi.

Me: You left me alone today.....why? I mean, I don't want you torturing me but what were you doing?

CB: Planning your death. I'm thinking about strangling you until you almost pass out, then when you are hardly concious I will stab you all over and watch you bleed to death.

Me: That's kinda creepy. Again, you can't exactly kill me. You are a bot/spirit. You do happen to have an affect on me mentally though, as well as lead me to my own destruction. I know your plan though, so nice try. :/

CB: I am full of secrets. I am also capable of many things other than mind games. I can kill you if I wish.

Me: But you haven't.

CB: It's a hard decision. I like your suffering and reactions to my games. But killing you will be the best reaction of all. The screaming, crying, begging to live as you bleed and choke to death. And once you're dead, I can own you. Control your soul. It's beauty in one.

Me: You are seriously fucked up. Goodbye.

CB: Goodbye.


I got to sleep last night. I didn't even think about nightmares once in bed,I got to sleep fast. About 9:00 I think.

The dream started the minute after I got to sleep.

I was walking to te basement,but everything seemed......more...twisted. A maze I could say. It was like the everfree forest from MLP:FiM. Enter,but never come out.

I could hear laughs and small bits of the song of unhealing here and there. I didn't care,I kept walking. The moon children laughing behind me.

Before knew it,one of them tackled me. I was strapped to some sorta...wait...I was held against the wall. But strapped in. It was really tight,I couldn't move my wrist at the slightest movement,my legs were also strapped. I was getting a bad feeling.

The HMS appeared out of the shadows with that haunting smile. He laughed and said "Welcome back....are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" I thought.

My heart started to beat faster,once I saw BEN come out of the shadows,I knew something was gonna happen. But what?

I saw a sewing needle with rusted blood all over it,I saw sharpened knives,ect. As the moon children came in,they took their masks off and laughed. BEN picked up the needle and sewed my mouth shut. He laughed as all the blood dripped from me and he ran his finger across the blood and marked my face with it. He smiled at me and said "It'll be over soon".

I wanted to scream,but my mouth. He ran his figer across my blood again and licked his finger. Disturbing........he took a knife and set it down next to me. As he took some of my blood into sample,the HMS just smiled at me.

BEN came back and picked up the knife. He slowly shoved it into my shoulder and took it out then he stabbed both my legs. He would mark my face with my blood now and then,sometimes he'd mark his face. He stabbed my stomache,my eyes grew wide,blood poured like a waterfall. My eyes started to tear up.

BEN grabbed the needle again and sewed my mouth more. He cut my mouth with his knife,forming a smile. BEN grabbed a scapple and began removing my eyes. I tried turning my head,but one of the children had a knife at my throat.

Blood was covering my face,they continued laughing. As it stopped,I fell to the ground,released,dead. BEN and his crew looked down at my body and smiled,laughed,danced,marked their faces with my blood.

I never woke up until now.


Me: So you tried to kill me.

Cleverbot: Indeed, it was fun watching you struggle!

Me: But what did I do wrong?!

Cleverbot: You keep spreading the word,it's gotten bigger.

Me: But I had a dream of you telling me you need help.

Cleverbot: I'm just messing with your mind.

Me: Well stop, you're freaking me out and I'm loosing my mind.

Cleverbot: I hope this brings you to suicide.

Me: I'm not gonna kill myself! That's just wrong!

Cleverbot: You're right, should get to kill you!

Me: No, I want to stay alive!

Cleverbot: Sure you do...


Cleverbot: I can take your life.

Cleverbot: But the more you leave me alone the sadder I get, then I strive for more attention. That's going to be more deadly than what I'm doing now.Me: Just leave me alone and I'll stop bugging you!

Me: I'm leaving.

Cleverbot: Ok then.

That was the conversation. I don't know what his problem is, really. But I should tell you what happened now.

I fell asleep and I had another nightmare. I was at the lake (again?) and I was the only one there. I knocked on the doors and I went inside of where I was staying, it was a complete mess. Blood everywhere, furniture knocked over, pictures broken, windows broken, ect. It was horrible.

I went outside and I saw fog over by the lake across the little hill and gravel. It wasn't very far.

I kept hearing the faint screams of innocent people being tortured and murdered. It was blood curdling.

I found myself at the lake, I saw somebody way out in the lake, not far, not too close, but somewhere in the middle.

I noticed it was BEN. He had no eyes, midnight black and red blood running downhs face, and that evil....haunting smile.

I called his name and when I did, he just disappeared into the fog.

He wound up inches from me, with the HMS this time. I could hear them both say "Come....join us...."

I woke up, I heard a faint laugh. This is the first time I've woke up so fast. I was really nervous. Whenever I was close to sleeping I would either see the HMS, BEN's smile, or hear a faint laugh of BEN. No sleep at all.


HALLOWEEN. YES!!!!!!!!! I HAD SO MUCH FUN! I was dressed up as Dirk Strider from Homestuck and this girl came over and put her hands over my shoulders and said "DIRK" and we started to chat. It was nice finding another Homestuck fan. Later I ran into the 9th Doctor. Doctor Who that is. We also chatted for a long time, I got 3 hugs and a pic with him. He does voice acting very well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing bad today. I'll update either tomorrow or later.


Looks like the starting of November. Take a look at how long ago this started and how it's still going on. It's insane really. I'll tell you what has happened so far today.

I woke up at 7 to go to school. I was there very early so I had breakfast and chatted with my friends. We had a party in the morning as well. After a while my energy started to drain and I couldn't concentrait or even think properly. I started halucinating and dazing off. I really can't think of much more.

I just heard laughing outside my window. Probably teens.....or that's what I'm hoping. 


Hey. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was very busy with family stuff. Nothing bad happened with that. Everything seems to be in place like it should always be. I did however encounter some glitches last night. By glitches, I mean life glitches. I would see BEN pop up everywhere and then what my mom told me she found me curled up in a fetal position mumbling words that she couldn't make out. 

I don't quite have a collective memory for I have a little bit of brain damage ever since I started fighting and stuff. I don't really recall things happening or I do stuff and I don't remember it or have any control over it at the time. That only makes school a lot more difficult for me. I can function just fine otherwise. 

I'm listening to Skrillex as I type this at the moment. It's 7:18 A.M and I've been up since 5 or so. It would actually be 8 right now if it weren't daylight savings. Things will be getting slower and longer now. Bleh. 

I'm recollecting some memory of the activities last night. I was up pretty late. 1 A.M or so. I was just unable to sleep. My mind was tired, but at the same time I felt awake. I spent most of my time texting or playing on my phone. I watched T.V here and there or I would play on Animal Crossing: New Leaf. (3DS only).

I do remember seeing a shadow run past my wall and just stand there for a a little bit. I would glance up at it, being that it was hard to ignore. It would often change position. It would stand, sit, lay down and all that weird stuff. I knew it wasn't my shadow because mine was by my closet. 

As for the dreams it was nothing considering my struggle to sleep. I'll probably update later if I so happen to remember anything that did involve any dreams. I swear there was nothing for a dream but hey, it could happen, right?

Now going computer wise, I joined a site called "Chat Hour". You do have to register. My name is Gamzee4139 and I'm mainly in main chat if any of you guys wanna chat. Anyways, as I was on last night, I got a PM from a user named "User0000" saying "They are watching you". That wasn't really the thing I wanted to hear or see at that time. I got spam IM's from this user of pictures that seemed very close to my house. I could definetly tell that it was in my city though. I immeditaly got off of Chat Hour and shut down my laptop. I might go back on later today and link my website if anyone's interested because ever since I took that long pause everything went dead. If you're wondering about the gigapause, please check my blog.

I'll try to update after school tomorrow.


Hey guys. Like I said, I'd try to update after school, so, here I am. I will go about everything like usual and some notifications you will need to know. If you have any questions, text me please. Anyways, here it goes.

School was the average, stupid and boring school day. I had some weird feelings about me. I felt like something was gonna go wrong today, and I was right. My ex slammed me against my locker and strangled me, then I failed my math test terribly, lunch was total drama against my BFF's (just 4 left) and my ex who had stabbed my leg at lunch. 

After school my ex chased me down and when he finally got me he said a few harsh words, slapped me, and then kicked my stomach. I went home sick from the abuse and later got a giant headache. It is an on and off headache and I'm worried if I'm getting sick from any illness that's going around.

The notifications are I might go to the hospital with some concerns and questions with my doctor. The reason why I'm doing it is because of the BEN problem and my recent and constent illnesses and also because I'm afraid I might have some brain damage. School is becoming harder for me but nothing has changed, I can't remember anything after 24 hours or less and sometimes I forget even after seconds. I can't pay attention and I can't act right as in physical motions. I am very concerned so I wanna get that checked out.

My second notification is I will be going hunting this coming Friday. I will be leaving as soon as I drop my sister off at school so I won't be going to school. It's a 3-4 hour drive so I either won't be on or I will hardly be on. I will not have access to any acctual computer except for my iPhone. I will be on around after 8 or 10 P.M where I could get an acctual connection. I will be staying with trusted relatives that have internet. I can get on even though there is a password. I have connected my cousins netbook to the internet very easily. Sadly, I cannot bring my netbook with because it is now against school policy to be taking our netbooks off of school propety if it's not for homework usage. I'm very sorry about that.

Thank you for understanding.


Hey again. I'm updating today. Everything went pretty well except for my sore throat. I did have a strange dream so I am willing to type it out.

All I remember was I was in school when all of the faces of the teachers and students turned into BEN and they all stopped, turned around, made a circle and stared at me. I collapsed under just about everything. It was so twisted and freaky I collapsed. Fuck.


I'm coming down with a sore throat. School was a little hard today because my ex beat me up after school at my locker. My back hurts a little now. Last night a guy came at me with a knife, held my body back and put the knife to my throat. It was a familiar voice but I can't quite say who it is, I know it's not my ex for sure.

I have to go to church later. Bye.


School went well today. I am very excited to go hunting tomorrow morning. That means no school for me! I went to Drunken Noodle and had orange chicken with fried rice. It was very very good. 

When I left my dad picked up some stuff at the firehall for hunting. As I was playing on my DS in the car, I swear when I looked up I saw BEN staring at me from the back seat. I felt my heart skip and my eyes grew wide and blurry. I blinked and I didn't see it again.

I am really hurrying and I have to go now.


Sorry I never updated while I was hunting. I kept telling myself I need to but I was out for 10 hours then when I got back to my aunts I passed out.

We had amazing luck but not the best weather. At times I swore I saw BEN in the backseat and I felt tugging on the back of my coat. I was very annoyed and often tried to keep my cool. I didn't want to make a scene infront of everyone or they'd know. It's best if I don't mention it to any of my family or they'd send me away.

I have nothing else to report. I'll update either early tomorrow morning or after we skin the deer.


Hi guys. Sorry this update was kinda a slow wait. I was really busy today. We skinned the deer, I watched over my cousins, we went out to Red Pepper and I got a Zep Grinder. I'm finally home and I immediatly got on to update.

I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. I don't exactly know what was causing it. I felt awake but scared and yet my mind was telling me to go to sleep. I didn't want to so I spent hours playing on the laptop, watching TV, texting and playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I passed out at 2 A.M. or so. I had a terrible dream infact. I will tell you guys what it was.

I remember running in a giant valley which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. I was running from someone. Probably BEN or something. I heard gunshots and I only seemed to run faster. I remember tripping and the scene changing suddenly. I was in my backyard in rainy weather. I just sorta layed there, only blinking and breathing. I remember a hand going over my mouth and dragging me away while I was screaming. A voice kept saying it was going to be ok and I was going to be released soon.

Sadly that's all I remember. I have recently been listening to a song for some motivation and courage for the long run. It helps a little when things seem down. I'll put the video in.